Monday, June 6, 2011

Fall Down Dead

Do you ever dream or hope for sequels to horror, slasher types of movies? If so pray that one never happens for this pitiful excuse of a movie titled Fall Down Dead, that follows serial killer, The Picasso Killer played by Udo Kier. This 2007 theatrical release now available on DVD is one that would have been best left behind.

If you haven’t picked up on it to this point, this movie is horrible with an unbelievable script and some of the worst over acting I have ever seen in a movie. Unfortunately I think I would rather listen to finger nails going down a chalk board as to have to listen to or watch another minute of Dominique Swain in the lead role of Christie Wallace. Normally, Swain isn’t a bad actress; it is for that reason I have to give the dubious credit of worst director of the year award to Jon Keeyes. From the script, to the lighting, and from the acting to the score, this one is not only deserving of a few rotten tomatoes, but one could throw in a stalk of rotten celery or two.

The story line is as convoluted as any slasher film I have ever seen. We see an opening scene of a murder, then a scene where Christie Wallace is in an apartment with her roommate and her son. We then see her at work as a waitress at a city café, and the next thing we know she is on the streets alone, attacked by a homeless guy she has just helped. She stumbles on a murder, runs to a large office complex where the night guard, Wade played by David Carradine in one of his last roles lets her in. The power is cut to the building after two police officers arrive, and these four, along with a few other victims show up and are left alone in the complex to be stalked and murdered, (especially those who break the rules for characters in horror movies) by The Picasso Killer. Now for the kicker, all of this takes place on Christmas Eve and we have the wonderful score, (note sarcasm) including Christmas music in the background.

There are no likeable characters in this movie; the acting is so bad I found myself laughing when certain characters met their demise. The exception, (and this is a spoiler) was the character Wade played by David Carradine. I found his death scene rather sad as his character is hung. This being one of Carradine’s last roles I would have rather seen his character meet some other form of demise, especially since in real life, hanging was a part of his death.

There are certain rules in movies and in life. Some would say there are certain rules regarding horror movies, for example, you have sex, and you are going to die. There are also rules to life that no matter what condition we are in, no matter how smart we are, we have to follow. Where one gets those rules becomes the point of question. Recent discussions from various faith groups have determined that the one universal rule in all religions is the ‘Golden Rule;’ ‘Do unto others as you would have others do to you.’ In Fall Down Dead, the respect for others is overplayed beyond the point of believability. I think that mirrors some ways the way many live. We say we care, but in reality we don’t and are more in it for ourselves than we are those around us. Unfortunately, people suffer and horror pursues. We have to think about the people around us, and the situations we put ourselves in. Unfortunately Fall Down Dead addresses all of these issues, but in a poor way.

I anticipated watching this movie and appreciating one of the last movies with David Carradine, a Hollywood legend. Unfortunately I was saddened and disturbed by his role, and his manner of death in the film. I felt it was disrespectful to the man and those who loved him.

I wish I could recommend this movie, but all I can recommend is to run as far from this as you can, it isn’t even worth a dollar rental from the overnight machine. Personally, I think I would have rather ran across a hot Kansas parking lot barefooted for an hour and a half as to have to watch this movie again, it is that bad, especially when considering it gets pretty hot in Kansas in the summer time.

There are plenty of good horror films out there with redeeming values and lessons. Some of those have incredible acting, beautiful story, and scenes that will scare you as opposed to making you laugh. If you want a comedy, check out some of the old classics for free at the library, if looking for a horror or slasher film, stay away, stay far away.

I will leave a closing note for those who insist on watching the movie; stay through until the end of the credits to see the hepiloguej.

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